This used to be Jacob’s room. Not too sure what it is now. Nothing is where it’s supposed to be. I’m the one who has to keep it clean because I am the only one who does it. *sigh*
Archive for June, 2008
Bags For Zaza Blog Giveaway
Ok people. It’s time to help out with a good cause. A friend of mine’s relative is raising money to adopt a little girl out of Columbia. They are making bags and selling them for a $25 donation, plus you pay shipping and handling.
http://bagsforzaza.blogspot.com
or check out
http://pluckymama.wordpress.com
This is such a life changing cause. She got the idea from
http://bags4darfur.blogspot.com
and has an amazing turn out. They put the bags up for auction and see where it goes from there. I think it’s awsome. SO please, check them out, bid on a bag, donate a bit of money to this cause, change a life. Is it worth your time?
Dear Life,
Dear Life,
Why have you dealt me these questionable cards? Why have you chosen to make me believe that I would be better off working at **** ** ******? I’m so miserable there and I get treated like shit. Yesterday my boss did nothing but swear at me and tell me “I should fucking know better” because I didn’t set up the tables for his high end catering job as fast as he wanted me to..Well first of all, I’d never catered ANYTHING for them before and second of all, nothing was ready for our stuff when I got there. I’m so confused about what to do right now. I’m so depressed and I feel so useless all the time. I even miss working at Montana’s….that says alot. I got treated like shit in front of news crews, the public and the MAYOR of Kamloops. I want to quit but I don’t know where to go or what to do.
My marriage. Most of the time I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. Throw in my towel and walk away from it all. I constantly feel as if he’s going to cheat on me (he doesn’t give me a reason to think he won’t) and I feel used and unloved almost everyday. Jeff says he loves me and always asks what’s wrong with me or why I’m so depressed. I gently shed my tears and tell him “I’m just down, that’s all”. I can’t bring myself to telling him the truth about how I feel because I know it’ll start a fight…and that’s what I don’t want. He never reads my blogs so I don’t have to worry about that. Out of nowhere he’ll start talking about how much he wants us to lose weight and my brain instantly tells me he hates the way I look. *sigh* I don’t know anymore. What do you do when you just don’t feel loved?
I also need to come to terms with the fact my husband will ALWAYS be a porn addict, no matter what I say to make him stop. He’ll come up with different ways to hide it all the time. He also calls random girls on his facebook/msn at night when I’m not home, which is very upsetting. Pretty sure this is all connected too. He’s told me many times “we went to school together” or “I’ve known her for years” etc etc but I know they had just met on facebook randomly. He still talks to the girl who sent him those damned pics of her tits and her sex toys. Who knows if she’s sent more to him since he deletes everything out of his inboxes, deletes his junk mail and empties his trash asap. He’s too secretive. Why didn’t I realize this before?
What do I do? Where do I go?
I just wanna sit here and eat my frozen fruit and be in peace.
(Please do not leave rude comments about what I should or shouldn’t be doing, I’m a little sick of those)
Brain Farts
Today was one of those days where no matter what I did, nothing made me feel good and I was VERY anxious. We’ve had a little hiccup in our effort to quit smoking..and I think that may be the cause. I got to work pissed off (I won’t get into it) and when I finally got to the Pool to open up the shop, I started to get anxious. Not sure why. Last night I was really bad too, I turned into Super Cleaning Psycho Bitch after Jacob went to bed. I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the toilet, did the dishes (not in this particular order), swept and mopped the floor, emptied out all my almost empty conditioner bottles, cleaned the litter box, uncluttered the bathroom counter and cleaned up the living room. All of this within an hour.
Today when I got to work, I swept, cleaned the counters, started coffee, set up garbages, opened the display cases, turned on the fryer & hot dog machine, stocked the pop, stocked the chips, did the leftover dishes from the night before, labeled all the sandwiches in the fridge, wiped down all the glass, did temperature checks and filled all coffee bean containers in a little over an hour. I don’t know what to do with myself….My brain is going a mile a minute, doesn’t help that I had a 16 oz Caramel Machiato today too. How do I calm down? Could I be anxious because I’m mad? Maybe… Could I be anxious because I can’t stand being the only one who does cleaning and cooking AND have such long days? Maybe… Could I be anxious because my nerves are shot? Possibly.
Anyway, BIG news today. This morning I went to wake Jacob up so he could get ready for daycare when I noticed he hadn’t peed in his pull-up since his bath last night. So I run and get the potty, put on Surf’s Up (not for the water sounds) and proceed to place my yawning toddler on the potty for the next 10 minutes. I have NEVER seen this child pee so much. He was so happy, I was so happy. I told him it was a good day because he was such a big boy and used the potty. Tracy told me today that he kept saying “a good day” at daycare…That was so cute. I’m very happy that Jacob used the big boy potty…maybe he’ll start asking for it more instead of me trying to remember all the time.
My Filthy Disgusting Habit
I smoked….I loved it. For many years I’ve enjoyed killing myself slowly. Up until a year ago, I had quit smoking (sucessfully) for 18 whole months….then I started working at Montana’s and everything went to shit. But now, since I don’t take smoke breaks at my new job….I’ve quit smoking. Jeff told me a few days ago that he wanted to quit and that after our current pack of smokes was done, we should both quit. I told him I was up for it, but this time if I were to quit, I didn’t want to be the only one like I was last time. He agreed he would quit and so far he’s kept his word. Poor guy, I quit smoking and get my period….I pity him for the next week. My menstral escape was my cigarette, they calmed me down when I got bitchy and wanted to kill people and since I can’t drink coffee when I have my period, they woke me up in the morning before work. I’m going to miss that stinky habit. I started to enjoy that after-great-sex smoke and that first-cup-of-coffee smoke…everthing-in-between smoke……But it’s either we keep throwing away money or start spending wisely and cut out what we don’t need. It’s gotta be the first thing to go.
I actually don’t really crave one as bad as I thought I would right now. My downside right now is that when I quit I get insomnia REALLY bad…I thought I had it bad before but this is WAY worse. I remember how bad it was when Jacob was born. Even when Jacob was sleeping, I couldn’t stop tossing and turning. Last night was just like that…only add RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). I’m hoping tonight gets better. This morning I got up 20 minutes before my 5:10am alarm, made coffee, sat outside on the balcony listening to the quiet street and knew something was missing….I grieved a little bit.
But the way I’m looking at it as is if I want to be healthy, I need to do this. I can do this again….Im starting to sound like a damn infomercial. Day 2 will be interesting tomorrow.
In other news…Jacob did the most EMBARASSING thing yesterday at the clinic. There was a little girl going to see the dr after playing soccer. She was sitting beside her Dad and Jacob showed some interest. He walked right up to her, stood off to the side………and LOOKED BETWEEN HER LEGS AND UP HER SHORTS!!!!!What kind of 2.5 year old does that????!!!!!! Needless to say, as I hung my head, shaking it in shame, Jeff and the girl’s dad had a good laugh. They commented on emails they had gotten about boys doing the exact same thing. *sigh* Why does my 2.5 year old have to be one of those boys already??
Our “vacation”
We took a week off work and went up to 100 Mile for my sister’s wedding. We got there Friday and were on the go from the minute we stepped out of the van. We attempted to help set up and decorate but were too busy chasing Jacob, Kirsten and Ryan around to really help. For the first time, I held Ryan and put him to sleep…made me really miss that baby stage and the feeling that goes along with it. Anyway, we went to a dinner at my sister’s mother-in-law’s house and had a few drinks. We headed back early so Jacob could fall asleep at a reasonable time and we could spend time with my parents. I later went out and drank with my sister and a friend (which I regretted the next morning). We woke up fairly early and got started on our busy day….or should I say “Corina’s day” lol. I headed to the salon with my mom and Kirsten. Corina and the other bridesmaid’s were already there and had gotten about half way through getting their hair done by the time I got there. They finally got finished and my god, Corina looked great. Still wasn’t kicking in that Corina was getting married yet. Then it was my turn….I gave the woman a scare when she saw how long my hair was lol that was funny. I asked for a 2 inches cut off before they straightened it, but I later changed my mind to 4 whole inches….I know….big shocker. That didn’t make much of a difference on how long my hair was though. She got through straightening it with the blowdryer and then had to switch me with another woman because the client didn’t like what the girl was doing to her hair (god forbid). That was the most expensive haircut I’ve ever had. She did a good job though, I’m not complaining about that. Anyway, I had to run some errands with my mom and then head back to my parents place to pick up my dress and move my boys to the hotel room. Thank god Jacob fell asleep on the way into town so he was able to have his nap before the ceremony. First thing Jeff said to me was “WOW! Can we leave Jacob with your parents for an hour so we can go to the hotel room alone?”. That made me feel damned good lol.
We unloaded all the bags into the room and I was off again. Had to go get dressed and prettied up for the wedding. Kirsten’s dress was on first, then mine, then Corina’s, then Rhiannon’s and finally Nikki’s. We all looked pretty good lol. We went for a drive around town and got prepared for the ceremony…while we hid in the bathroom.
The ceremony was nice. Very cute since Ryan decided to speak when the marriage commissioner asked if anyone knew of any lawful impediment of why Nick and Corina could not be married. I could have sworn he said “I do!”. Anyway, after the ceremony we drove around honking and then headed to the park for pictures. After that we headed back to the hall for dinner and drinks. Dancing followed and we had to leave shortly after that since Jacob was overtired and wouldn’t stop crying.
The next morning Jacob woke up in pain because he did something to his foot. We took him to the ER in town before leaving but the doctor said he was fine. Then we started our LONG trip to Penticton. My first time driving the Coquihalla and probably my last since we used SO much gas on the way back. A full tank to be exact. The weather was complete shit while we were there. Our luck has it that the day after we left was the start of their nice summer weather. Jacob was sick the whole time, then it spread to Jeff, then on our final day I got sick. Pretty sure we spread it all over 100 Mile and Penticton too.
We went shopping at the Cherry Lane mall, we went to walmart, we went out for nice dinners and watched some good movies on tv. We could have went without Jeff’s mom’s attitude though…but that will never change. Jacob went swimming with Jeff in the pool downstairs and he was even in the hot tub for a minute or two as well. Seemed to really calm him down since he passed out a few minutes after being put to bed.
Anyway, I’ll blog more later when my hands aren’t so damned sore and my head isn’t so stuffed up.
Toodle-loo!
Summer Stress
So I hate my new job….but I like it more than working at Montana’s. I told my boss when he hired me that I need a week off in June and he understood….NOW it’s a problem. My sister’s getting married on Saturday and on Sunday we have to drive to Penticton for a small family reunion (Jeff’s family). It’s going to be a LONG week. He said to one of my co-workers the other day that he doesn’t understand why I need take a week off for a wedding……but I keep telling him that I have a family reunion to go to after that. GRRRR!! FUCK! He’s crazy! Not that good kinda crazy either. He’s fucking off the wall crazy. Him and his wife have 3 boys all under the age of 10…not sure how old the oldest is but the youngest is 2. I mean fuck! They’ve got 4 locations right now and they do catering and they’re understaffed…but if he wasn’t so fucking crazy and he was more mentally put together, he’d have employees. FUCK!!!!
Anyway, I’m fucking stressed….and by the sounds of it, quite the potty mouth too. I’ve got bills coming outta my ying yang, a mother in law who treats me like an idiot who can’t even do simple math, a bridezilla for a sister, a sick toddler, I’m trying to fight off a cold, I’m not sleeping at night (again), and we’ve got money problems. GRRR! Just when we thought things were going good, life just had to present it’s oh-so-shiny-self again. Oh, LOVELY!!!
I’ve been trying to find the time to blog lately but getting up at 5am and being on the go until 10pm isn’t agreeing with me. I often wonder about Narcolepsy (however you spell it)…what are the first symptoms other than falling asleep mid……..*snores loudly followed by drooling on my own chest*………….sentence.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcolepsy
Interesting page. Makes me want to grab Jacob’s Pookie (teddy bear) and his blanket and set myself up for a nap on the recliner/computer chair. Seriously, the past few days…even on the weekend….I’ve found myself to fall asleep during the day just by reading or watching TV. I’ve had no time to relax and enjoy myself and it’s pissing me off. I’m hoping that while we’re gone to 100 Mile and Penticton that I’ll be able to sleep and relax……..I’m highly doubting it.
On the brighter side, I colored my hair on the weekend. My friend Sarah and I had a Hair Day. I colored her hair black and hot pink. She colored my hair dark brown and BRIGHT ASS RED! Really glad I didn’t go with Neon Red lol. I haven’t taken any good pics but I’ll post the only one I have of a side view. I’m sooo glad the blond is out of my hair, I’ve never really liked light hair on me. Went fully blond once, been thinking about how I thought it looked good….NOPE! I’m now disagreeing with myself I never looked good blond.
