It’s been TOO long!

{ March 28, 2009 @ 2:27 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Since I last blogged, Jeff quit his job with City Furniture and is now working a graveyard shift job which pays more (but I still make more than him). They weren’t nice to him at all, harassing him for months, delaying his T4, never giving him his record of employment or last paycheck. They even went so far as to say he was on Workers Compensation which totally screwed us up when we did our taxes recently. He’s liking his new job, been working there since August 5th….We never did make it to the theater to see Dark Knight, but we bought it when it came out anyway. It’s been a hard transition having him in bed with me every single night and then having to sleep alone 5 nights a week….Some nights I barely sleep at all. *sigh* Our sex life has suffered too *double sigh*.

I’m working day shifts at work and Jacob’s been in daycare full time lately. The old bastard I was working for at Montana’s got fired late August and a new manager came in….LOVE IT! Recently I went to pick up dinner since we were having company over to watch Quarantine and low and behold….there he was, working at a fast food restaurant…I laughed so hard, karma is definately a bitch! So far since being back at Montana’s, only one person is left from before I left for my surgeries….One! And since I went back, two…Including the one person from before. It’s not hard to work there, it really isn’t. Some people just can’t handle working for a franchise.

Jacob’s back into being potty trained, so far he hates going but will pee on the potty if it’s bedtime and he really doesn’t want to sleep. He’ll go on the potty for Jeff, but not me. Tracy at daycare is helping us with it as well. Jacob also has a dr’s appointment April 1st to find out what’s going on with him. He’s not acting like kids should at his age, he’s not speaking as much as they should be, he’s not calm, he’s constantly running, screaming, destroying stuff, not listening at all etc. We’ve had ADHD thrown at us, certain degrees of Autism, ADD, and a few others I can’t remember right now. We’ll find out, it’s a 45 minute appointment.

I’ve also got 3 more tattoos. I got them in September from a friend of mine who opened up his own shop…still very proud of him and his accomplishments. I got a skull & crossbones with a blue & white polka dot necktie on my inner left wrist and I also got Pablo Picasso’s camels on my big toes. Soon I’ll be getting two koi fish in a half sleeve on my left arm, japanese style waves, kanji representing both my mom & dad. My parents have also picked out the colors for “their” fish. I can’t wait! I also plan on getting a tiny unicorn for my Grandma….she’s OBSESSED with them and says she has no more room for unicorns anywhere in her house. We’ll see what I end up doing. Also since I last blogged, I’ve been experimenting with more haircolors. I was red & black last summer when I went back to Montana’s, then black & pink, now black & purple. Next, black & blue.

I should go get ready for work….We’re sick with the flu right now, it’s not fun!

Bags For Zaza

{ August 20, 2008 @ 12:07 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Bags For Zaza……what can I say about Bags For Zaza?

About few months ago a friend of mine, Leah, told me about these bags her sisters & her making and auctioning off with the proceeds going to the adoption of a little Columbian girl. I checked out the site, checked out the bags. I had made my mind up that I was going to donate every single peice of fabric I had, all discontinued fabrics from City Furniture. About a month ago, Leah was in Kamloops for the weekend so I packed up all the fabrics in a HUGE duffle bag and brought them to the hotel for her. She was sooo happy when she saw what I brought her. She said her sister was going to pee her pants when she saw it all….I guess her sister was just as happy. They’ve got alot of fabric being donated to them and the bags are very nicely done.

Check them out! Bid on a bag! Support them! Tell your friends!

Bags for Zaza!

Back to Basics

{ July 31, 2008 @ 3:47 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Well I quit my job with Jill’s On McGill, most of you already know that. But I went back to Montana’s….shocking! I was offered a better position and more money, plus I won’t be doing any work as a prep cook unless Ilonka is gone on vacation! YAY! I work way more hours too but the downside again is that I don’t see Jeff or Jacob much anymore. Between Jacob being between daycare and babysitters, I see him only a few hours a day :(

I have been back for about 2 weeks and only had a few problems with one girl…she’s SO slow and gives everyone attitude when we tell her what needs to be done. I had a talk with her on Tuesday before she started her shift and she was fine while I was talking to her…I was super nice about it but once I turned my back she did nothing but complain about it. I hate two faced people. I don’t work with her until…Saturday I think and it’ll be interesting to see how it goes. If I get any more attitude I’ll be taking Sam, Suzy & Jess’s advice and start screaming. I really should start, I hate being so nice.

Jacob’s not being potty trained anymore. We figure we’d back off for a bit since we’re starting a whole new routine for him and he should get used to things. It’s going pretty good, he’s went on the potty twice all by himself so far. Pretty good I’d say. The last time, Jeff was home with the stomach flu (we all were last week) and Jacob turned on the bathroom light, peed on the potty, grabbed a new pull up and smacked Jeff over the head with it. Jeff called me freaking out because he was so happy…and I yelled out my Proud Parent moment to all the cooks on the line when I had talked to Jeff.

Cleaning is hell. I’ve been working so much that I’m barely sleeping (getting home between 11 and 12, sleeping an hour later, waking up with Jacob around 6am everyday) and I don’t have energy to clean. We had a big mess in our kitchen so today I finally had enough and cleaned the whole apartment, right down to the bathroom floor being scrubbed. I’m all sticky and sweaty….YUCK! My cat doesn’t like me too much right now, she hates the vacuum and I was pretty much chasing her with it LOL no intentionally but each time she’d run into a room, I’d have to follow her and do the floors. Very funny!

My parents came up to visit the same week I started back at Montana’s. I was upset that I didn’t get to spend anytime with them but they promised to come back for another visit when I have time off. I’ll be letting them know about my schedule and they’ll come when I have two or more days off. I can’t wait! I plan on going to 100 Mile in September for a few days. See my family, visit with them and possibly see some old friends. I miss watching Jacob, Kirsten & Ryan play. Corina lives in town and I can’t wait to see Jacob run around in her backyard with Ryan in tow. I miss Nanny (my Grandma) too.

Monday (Aug 4th) is Jeff & I’s anniversary. First wedding anniversary and fourth anniversary all together. We’re not doing anything that day since we both have to work but on the 5th we’re heading off to see The Dark Knight together. We’ve never been to a movie in a theater together…strange I know. Come to think of it, I’ve never been to a theater here..ever. Hard to believe we’ve been married a year…where’d the time go? Extremely hard to believe that Jacob will be 3 in November! Where the **** did my baby boy go??

Anyway, I’m sticky..sweaty and in desperate need of a shower before I go pick Suzy up to come over for dinner. YAY! SUZY!!!

Updates

{ July 10, 2008 @ 9:23 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I haven’t managed to fully quit smoking yet. I’ve tried and tried but it’s just not in the cards at the moment.

We’re also potty training Jacob….O god! What an adventure that is. He’s pretty good at holding it all night (which he did all by himself before we started potty training) and most of the time he’s good at going first thing in the morning. Our biggest problem is when he comes into our room first thing in the morning, we just want to stay in bed and cuddle with him and unfortunately, that doesn’t work with potty training him. But we’re giving him rewards for going on the potty and we have one of those ones that play music when he goes. We just have to get the pee down before we start working on the poop. That’ll be lovely!

I quit my job at Jill’s On McGill because the boss was screaming and swearing at me about a high end catering job. And it’s been about a month since I worked. I was talking to my old boss, well one of them, and inquired about getting a job again at Montana’s. So on Tuesday I went to have a meeting (smoke on the patio with Michael) and he was VERY excited to hear that I wanted to come back. He even made it so I won’t be doing prep on the weekends and I’ll be the one replacing the prep bitch when she goes on vacation. I’m getting paid more money than I was the last time, which he also offered me. It’ll be nice! I’ll also be getting more hours in a sense too. I start on Wednesday. My daycare lady even said she’d watch Jacob while I worked in the evenings and will drive Jacob home afterwards when Jeff gets home. SWEET!!! Now all I have to do is nail down this weekend babysitter and we’ve got ourselves a good time.

Things with Jeff & I have been….OK. The usual fights and squabbles but what married couple doesn’t have those? Our first wedding anniversary is in less than a month and we won’t be doing the usual giving of the gifts either. We’ll be opening up a savings account and every month we’ll be putting $20 in it and will NOT touch it. Every anniversary we will decide how it will be spent on us as a couple. Another thing we’ll be doing is setting goals and actively pursuing them. For me it’ll be weight loss with a realistic amount. For Jeff, I’m not sure what he plans on doing. We’ll keep track of any weight loss each week and work out solutions on how to keep it up. Eating better, going out for walks, exercising when we can, taking better care of ourselves. I’m serious about this now. No more beating around the bush or making excuses. This time will be different.

Hello Old Friend

{ July 3, 2008 @ 12:48 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Mr Depression came back into my life recently. I ache all over and hate myself for being such a pig. I’m ashamed to dress in anything because I have a voice inside my head telling me what people think when they look at me. I went into a store the other day to pick up dinner and everyone was staring at me, they’d look away for a second or two then stare at me again. I kow there’s alot of people out there far worse than I am but I just can’t shake these thoughts.

I’m a horrible person for thinking these thoughts.

I’ve been distancing myself from friends lately because I get so upset so easily. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m that girl from high school that no one can stand but they keep in contact with her out of pity. I look at everyone else’s pictures on Facebook and they’re so happy. They have money to pay bills and they have everything they’ve ever wanted, things come so easily for them. They’ve either got a great job or their husband does, they’ve got a nice car, they’ve got looks, they’ve got the brains and they’ve got their life plans set out and have everything figured out. Me? I can’t even stand to look in the mirror let alone stand the fact that other people have to put up looking at me when I walk into a room.

I’m such a disgusting pig!

I can’t smile and be truthful at the same time. Perhaps I’m supposed to feel this way all the time. I’m supposed to be that girl who sits at home with her husband and does nothing with her life except take care of her husband and child.

That’s me.

Things I’m NOT enjoying right now.

{ June 26, 2008 @ 4:10 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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This used to be Jacob’s room. Not too sure what it is now. Nothing is where it’s supposed to be. I’m the one who has to keep it clean because I am the only one who does it. *sigh*

 

Bags For Zaza Blog Giveaway

{ June 23, 2008 @ 11:57 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Ok people. It’s time to help out with a good cause. A friend of mine’s relative is raising money to adopt a little girl out of Columbia. They are making bags and selling them for a $25 donation, plus you pay shipping and handling.

http://bagsforzaza.blogspot.com

or check out

http://pluckymama.wordpress.com

This is such a life changing cause. She got the idea from

http://bags4darfur.blogspot.com

and has an amazing turn out. They put the bags up for auction and see where it goes from there. I think it’s awsome. SO please, check them out, bid on a bag, donate a bit of money to this cause, change a life. Is it worth your time?

Dear Life,

{ June 21, 2008 @ 10:53 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Dear Life,

Why have you dealt me these questionable cards? Why have you chosen to make me believe that I would be better off working at **** ** ******? I’m so miserable there and I get treated like shit. Yesterday my boss did nothing but swear at me and tell me “I should fucking know better” because I didn’t set up the tables for his high end catering job as fast as he wanted me to..Well first of all, I’d never catered ANYTHING for them before and second of all, nothing was ready for our stuff when I got there. I’m so confused about what to do right now. I’m so depressed and I feel so useless all the time. I even miss working at Montana’s….that says alot. I got treated like shit in front of news crews, the public and the MAYOR of Kamloops. I want to quit but I don’t know where to go or what to do.

My marriage. Most of the time I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. Throw in my towel and walk away from it all. I constantly feel as if he’s going to cheat on me (he doesn’t give me a reason to think he won’t) and I feel used and unloved almost everyday. Jeff says he loves me and always asks what’s wrong with me or why I’m so depressed. I gently shed my tears and tell him “I’m just down, that’s all”. I can’t bring myself to telling him the truth about how I feel because I know it’ll start a fight…and that’s what I don’t want. He never reads my blogs so I don’t have to worry about that. Out of nowhere he’ll start talking about how much he wants us to lose weight and my brain instantly tells me he hates the way I look. *sigh* I don’t know anymore. What do you do when you just don’t feel loved?

I also need to come to terms with the fact my husband will ALWAYS be a porn addict, no matter what I say to make him stop. He’ll come up with different ways to hide it all the time. He also calls random girls on his facebook/msn at night when I’m not home, which is very upsetting. Pretty sure this is all connected too. He’s told me many times “we went to school together” or “I’ve known her for years” etc etc but I know they had just met on facebook randomly. He still talks to the girl who sent him those damned pics of her tits and her sex toys. Who knows if she’s sent more to him since he deletes everything out of his inboxes, deletes his junk mail and empties his trash asap. He’s too secretive. Why didn’t I realize this before?

What do I do? Where do I go?

I just wanna sit here and eat my frozen fruit and be in peace.

 

(Please do not leave rude comments about what I should or shouldn’t be doing, I’m a little sick of those)

Brain Farts

{ June 18, 2008 @ 5:25 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Today was one of those days where no matter what I did, nothing made me feel good and I was VERY anxious. We’ve had a little hiccup in our effort to quit smoking..and I think that may be the cause. I got to work pissed off (I won’t get into it) and when I finally got to the Pool to open up the shop, I started to get anxious. Not sure why. Last night I was really bad too, I turned into Super Cleaning Psycho Bitch after Jacob went to bed. I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the toilet, did the dishes (not in this particular order), swept and mopped the floor, emptied out all my almost empty conditioner bottles, cleaned the litter box, uncluttered the bathroom counter and cleaned up the living room. All of this within an hour.

Today when I got to work, I swept, cleaned the counters, started coffee, set up garbages, opened the display cases, turned on the fryer & hot dog machine, stocked the pop, stocked the chips, did the leftover dishes from the night before, labeled all the sandwiches in the fridge, wiped down all the glass, did temperature checks and filled all coffee bean containers in a little over an hour. I don’t know what to do with myself….My brain is going a mile a minute, doesn’t help that I had a 16 oz Caramel Machiato today too. How do I calm down? Could I be anxious because I’m mad? Maybe… Could I be anxious because I can’t stand being the only one who does cleaning and cooking AND have such long days? Maybe… Could I be anxious because my nerves are shot? Possibly.

Anyway, BIG news today. This morning I went to wake Jacob up so he could get ready for daycare when I noticed he hadn’t peed in his pull-up since his bath last night. So I run and get the potty, put on Surf’s Up (not for the water sounds) and proceed to place my yawning toddler on the potty for the next 10 minutes. I have NEVER seen this child pee so much. He was so happy, I was so happy. I told him it was a good day because he was such a big boy and used the potty. Tracy told me today that he kept saying “a good day” at daycare…That was so cute. I’m very happy that Jacob used the big boy potty…maybe he’ll start asking for it more instead of me trying to remember all the time.  

My Filthy Disgusting Habit

{ June 16, 2008 @ 4:56 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I smoked….I loved it. For many years I’ve enjoyed killing myself slowly. Up until a year ago, I had quit smoking (sucessfully) for 18 whole months….then I started working at Montana’s and everything went to shit. But now, since I don’t take smoke breaks at my new job….I’ve quit smoking. Jeff told me a few days ago that he wanted to quit and that after our current pack of smokes was done, we should both quit. I told him I was up for it, but this time if I were to quit, I didn’t want to be the only one like I was last time. He agreed he would quit and so far he’s kept his word. Poor guy, I quit smoking and get my period….I pity him for the next week. My menstral escape was my cigarette, they calmed me down when I got bitchy and wanted to kill people and since I can’t drink coffee when I have my period, they woke me up in the morning before work. I’m going to miss that stinky habit. I started to enjoy that after-great-sex smoke and that first-cup-of-coffee smoke…everthing-in-between smoke……But it’s either we keep throwing away money or start spending wisely and cut out what we don’t need. It’s gotta be the first thing to go.

I actually don’t really crave one as bad as I thought I would right now. My downside right now is that when I quit I get insomnia REALLY bad…I thought I had it bad before but this is WAY worse. I remember how bad it was when Jacob was born. Even when Jacob was sleeping, I couldn’t stop tossing and turning. Last night was just like that…only add RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome). I’m hoping tonight gets better. This morning I got up 20 minutes before my 5:10am alarm, made coffee, sat outside on the balcony listening to the quiet street and knew something was missing….I grieved a little bit.

But the way I’m looking at it as is if I want to be healthy, I need to do this. I can do this again….Im starting to sound like a damn infomercial. Day 2 will be interesting tomorrow.

 

In other news…Jacob did the most EMBARASSING thing yesterday at the clinic. There was a little girl going to see the dr after playing soccer. She was sitting beside her Dad and Jacob showed some interest. He walked right up to her, stood off to the side………and LOOKED BETWEEN HER LEGS AND UP HER SHORTS!!!!!What kind of 2.5 year old does that????!!!!!! Needless to say, as I hung my head, shaking it in shame, Jeff and the girl’s dad had a good laugh. They commented on emails they had gotten about boys doing the exact same thing. *sigh* Why does my 2.5 year old have to be one of those boys already??

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